thinking about nothing in particular
hey, remember when I said that I'd update this blog regularly about two or three months ago? yeah no, that was a lie.
still, the urge to write finds me in its many forms, and though I've been mostly occupied with rolling my face across my keyboard and drabbling out short stories and poetry, some for my classes, some just 'cause the idea felt significant enough to record, I haven't really given much thought to returning to this blog and just, letting myself write. sure, I may update the archive occasionally, and sure I might still be indulging in my own creative tendencies (and making liberal use of the Merriam-Webster online dictionary/thesaurus), but I don't think I ever really gave blogging a chance, despite what that impulse of activity from a couple months ago may say.
and sure, it might just be because blogging may not be "my thing," sure I may have just shoehorned myself into fiction and poetry because it's familiar and comfortable, but I really, genuinely don't think that I want to write (ha) it off entirely as a possible outlet for myself.
for me, blogging is difficult. I don't particularly enjoy being direct with how I feel about things sometimes, which is why I enjoy drowning whoever dares read my works in layers upon layers of metaphors and symbolism like I'm engaging in some kind of fictive cryptography, but blogging? blogging forces me out of that shell. it's like giving a blind man his sight and a mirror for the first time in his life: it's enlightening and terrifying to know and be known. and sure, there's that layer of abstraction, the separation of selves mere leagues apart through digital ink on pixel-paper, but it doesn't stop it from being difficult. and you know what? that's alright.
Thomas Fuller once said: "All things are difficult before they are easy." I'd like to believe that. I also believe that I'm going to regret writing and posting this a couple weeks down the line when I think to check this blog again.
thanks for reading. hope you're doing okay. stay safe. see you whenever I post next.