so I listened to the OST of "I Saw the TV Glow."
ok, so I'd like to preface this post by stating that I have yet to actually watch I Saw the TV Glow by Jane Schoenbrun, and I am also fully willing to admit it's because I can barely handle horror media directly without either going ICBM-level freakout mode or talking constantly to prevent the former from happening, but after watching this fantastic video essay on it by Daniel Profeta,, I decided to listen to its soundtrack while I was playing a bit of Minecraft, thinking I'd at the very least have something nice to listen to as I worked on a modded beta 1.7.3 survival world I started a few days ago.
midway through, I had to stop playing, because I'd begun to feel an urge to write that I physically could not ignore.
to summarize in the vaguest possible terms: I wholeheartedly believe that the original soundtrack of I Saw the TV Glow exemplifies the exact themes explored in the film, while also holding its own as a standalone anthology of songs that tells its story through the hazy neon hues of 90s nostalgia layered with twinkly Telecaster riffing reminiscent of the Bandcamp indie-rock scene and, funnily enough, the American Football self-titled album.
if you've existed in any brainrot-inducing online spaces within the past year or so (possibly one with a quarter note as its logo COUGH COUGH HACK AEUGH), it's likely you've heard its first track, Anthems for a Seventeen Year-Old Girl, in the background of a short-form video with a small block of text that briefly discusses the film itself, or more likely the discourse surrounding it (whole other worm bag that doesn't really pertain to this post, but tl;dr people are being weird about the inherent transness of the film that Schoenbrun openly stated is intentional, see this Variety article for more information.), but I genuinely feel that, if you enjoyed listening that, you should give the whole soundtrack a listen.
the sounds on offer here range wildly, from the emotional, almost meditative grunge and doom metal-inspired ballads like Bury and Psychic Wound by King Woman, to the uncanny synth-rock of Photograph by Drab Majesty, even to the hazy DIY bedroom-pop feels on Another Season by Frances Quinlan, to name a few of my standout tracks.
all the while each song goes on to illustrate the core themes and events that occur in the film (which I do not want to do an injustice by completely fumbling any sort of analysis due to my lack of research), concluding on the solemn Claw Machine by Sloppy Jane and Phoebe Bridgers, where their vocals almost seem to float over a modern hybrid opera-orchestra, as their voices and the instrumentals seem to swell in tandem, almost a final triumphant defiance preceding its somber end, as the lone piano fades into nothingness, and the album ends.
I might give overcoming my fears a shot just to watch I Saw the TV Glow to experience these songs in context. I don't say that lightly either, I genuinely do not believe I've been so emotionally affected by an album in this way in years, to the point where I don't even think I can remember the last time I let myself feel the way I did, as I listened to it for the first time. There's just something indescribable about a collection of music like this, something that induces that feeling of something worming its way into your chest and reminding you of a pit that you'd forgotten was there, that cannot be replicated.
it's a unique sort of melancholy, one that I have felt before, and one that I know will pass. But I will choose to remember it, for it's in those moments I can look forward to feeling free.